Appreciation
As I sit here behind a glowing screen, staring into nothing, yet connected to the world, I can't think of anything else but my deep appreciation for parkour, and what impact is has on my life.
Why do I have this sudden will to write about my appreciation for parkour, and for you all who uphold it?
I just finished reading all the articles that have been posted on the site, and truly, i feel the sensation of a thirsty man who has just had his first sip of water in days. It is winter time now, and there is no denying the fact that I have totally deviated from my training. My determination before the winter break began was to take the free time I have between my school, and ascend my training to another level. I had all the intention, and will to go out every day, and truly train. But up till this day, 3 weeks since the break began for me, I have not gone out one single day. I have not even gone out a single day to take a walk, or just be outside. Somewhere along the line, I have lost my motivation, my desire to immerse myself in parkour, to help myself and others, and to see, live, feel, breathe, and exist in reality.
I have asked myself...why...why did i lose my way. But i have never questioned myself as strongly as i did tonight. I have read articles on parkour from people who in my humble opinion really understand the essence of it and on top of that, practice it continuously. I have read messages from David Belle. But that doesn't mean I have understood what parkour is. Heck, i bet every new person (I won't say tracer, because to define parkour, in my opinion, is to put it in a cage, trapped and static), who "gets into" parkour for the right reasons (not for popularity or media exposure and such), has probably done what i have, and researched the roots of parkour.
Yet we seem to be failing in our duty to represent and practice parkour with true honesty and clarity to ourselves.
I have immersed myself in the self-indulgence and aimlessness of a stereotypical "couch potato". Its not easy to be all you want to be when you have parents who want you to be solely focused on academics, a society that wants you to behave in a way they see fit and "proper", and in a system where even the air we breath has rules and restrictions placed on it. I believed that this was me, until i discovered parkour. Perhaps my background in martial arts helped me, but i found that a part of me that i had buried long ago, was released from its prison in my memories, and brought to life that first day i went to my first parkour meet in downtown toronto in my work clothes and steel toed boots. If I had taken the subway home that day from work instead to the meet, my life today would have been very different.
Parkour opened my eyes again, and made me believe that i could indeed fly. It released me from the years and years of distrust, disbelief, and failures I had compiled over time, and it taught me a lot. It opened my soul once again to the essence of life. For that i will always be thankful. Why does my past and introduction to parkour matter? Why is it important/how is it related to anything at all?
Well, I think a lot of you can relate to some part my experiences, whether you have done parkour for years, or whether you are just starting. Why is it important thought to look at this history and reflect?
If we don't reflect on our past, and our progress today, it becomes easy to lose sight of the goals and motivations with which we train. I have a good understanding of that now. What helped me to reach that understanding however are the words of our fellow practitioners in the articles here. Some of them really touched me and made me realize what i had lost perspective on, of what I was letting go in exchange for the illusion of a selfish life.
I know myself well enough by now, to know that I would never have found myself during this winter break, had it not been for the many people who have written the articles here. This is because no matter how hard it is to admit, I do not have that self motivation, especially when the weather is not "comfortable" to my likings, and after a horrible first semester of school. I know I would become lazy and go back to being selfish. The articles have really helped, and that is why I am writing this mammoth essay here tonight.
I would like to thank all of you guys, all of you who keep on trying to hold on to the true parkour, and make sure it survives within you, and within those who train with you. A special thank you to PkDanno, for making all of this possible, for sharing your story in your article, for making this site and teaching us to be self-reliant and for spreading so much of your enthusiasm and realism towards parkour and life. To say the least, I wanted to reach a crossroads in my training and in my parkour this year. I wanted to reach a point where I would truly begin to understand parkour and apply myself to it. I had it all planned out for this holiday season, but that was me putting myself in an illusion. To plan things out like I control time, is but a foolhardy ting to do. That plan of mine, was just fake. To discover parkour, it has to happen through my training, and when I am prepared. Not when i plan it and when i think I am ready to understand it. The understanding will come to me when it will. Until then I must keep training.
It is hard to find that special ability in me, to push harder and harder, and it is more difficult every year, as I progress in life, towards graduate school, an independent life, fulfilling expectations of parents, family, friends, etc.
It gets hard, but some part of me never quits. That used to be me before, but now it is barely a whisper. A whisper that refuses to die even when the fires of pain, the floods of disappointments, and the storms of life pelt it from every corner, telling it to stop. And that is my true parkour. To never quit, to always proceed, to look forward and never stop moving. I thank you all for making this community, to full with spirit and enthusiasm, that I have no choice but to open my heart to my soul, and remember who I am. Thank you all for giving me my motivation back.
In this ever changing world, if I ever falter, I find comfort and joy in knowing that you are all here, to share your knowledge, experiences, ideas, and make my life all the better for it.
Thank you.
Imtiaz K. (a.k.a Harvest)